Once a Caterpillar, Now a Butterfly

The Story of My Becoming

As a child, I dreamed of fame and success, captivated by Hannah Montana and the idea of living a life as exciting as hers. A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a journal entry from 2013, where I had written down my goals: to be known all around the world, to have two million naira in my bank account, and own a huge pink mansion. Back then, I believed the path to achieving this was through music.

My family, especially my mother, supported me wholeheartedly. She enrolled me in a performing arts school, bought me a keyboard, hired a voice coach, and on my 10th birthday, she set up a stage for me to perform in front of family and friends. I sang "Let It Go," "Happy," and "Lean on Me." I was overjoyed.

I started posting covers on YouTube, but a few mean comments shattered my self-esteem. My mother never stopped encouraging me and when I turned 13, she created an Instagram account for me so I could share my singing and writing, but I wanted no part of it. I convinced myself that everyone was judging me, always watching, and always waiting for me to embarrass myself. That belief seeped into every part of my life and I withdrew into myself, speaking only when spoken to, staying in my room for hours on end, unable to make friends because I thought I was awkward and cringeworthy. To this day, I have never attended a party or a large social gathering and when people ask me why, I tell them I am introverted.

I have been on TikTok since 2021, but only as a silent observer. My username wasn’t my real name, and I had no profile picture but on January 1st, 2023, I decided to change that. I started posting my art because I felt safe sharing that, after all, I am a great artist, if something is obviously good, it’s hard to ridicule. My audience grew, and for a while, I was content. But deep down, I wasn’t doing what I truly wanted.

Between December 15th and 31st, 2023, I challenged myself to post every day and it was brutal. I shared my art, my favorite books, and my thoughts but my videos barely surpassed 200 or 300 views. I was putting myself out there and getting nothing in return and I gave up on the challenge. When my partner asked why I stopped posting, I made up a silly excuse but it was clear, to him and to anyone paying attention, that I was embarrassed because everyone could me trying and failing.

Then, in March 2024, everything changed. I was scrolling through TikTok and saw a vlog posted by a beautiful friend of mine. It was raw, effortless, and so authentically her and I was in awe of how she put herself out there, completely unafraid. I was inspired and I decided to try again, but this time, I would show up as my real self.

I posted my first "day in the life" video, and immediately, I wanted to take it down because I felt cringe. I was sure I was embarrassing myself and when people I knew in real life clicked the like button, I cringed even more. Great, I thought. Now they know I’m trying to be an influencer. I felt like a joke but surprisingly, I kept posting.

Somehow, against all odds, one day my videos started doing well. The vlogs I was scared to post? People loved them. The videos where I rambled about my life? People connected with them. The clips of me laughing and dancing badly were met with nothing but warmth.

It was shocking. I couldn’t understand why people liked me because, frankly, I had never liked myself. I’ve always felt like a weird kid, too hyper, too emotional, too much. I laugh too loudly and cry too easily. I’m dramatic. I jump around for no reason and I was sure the internet would eat me alive for being this way. But it didn’t. Instead, it embraced me.

One day, during my internship, I got on a bus to work, and two girls started screaming when they saw me. I was in shock. People recognizing me? Screaming for me? It felt surreal. When I resumed university for my final year, on the way back from the library one night, every single girl I passed stopped to tell me they loved my content and who I was as a person. Messages and emails poured in, telling me I had inspired them and it has never stopped amazing me.

Yesterday was my school’s prom night. I was nominated for three awards: Most Influential Female, Videographer of the Year, and Content Creator of the Year. I won Content Creator of the Year and twelve hours later, I’m still at a loss for words.

I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand it—this love, this recognition, this acceptance. I may never see in myself what others seem to see, but I am deeply grateful. It’s crazy how all of this happened just because I decided to take a chance on myself.

If I had known that this was on the other side of my fear, I would have let go of my insecurities a long time ago. I would have stopped comparing myself to others, stopped speaking so harshly to myself, stopped shutting myself away from opportunities because I didn’t think I was good enough.

I have always been good enough. I have always been a shining star. It just took me 20 years to realize it.

From now on, I refuse to hide. I will show up fully and unapologetically, not just for the big things like career opportunities, but in the small moments too. I will raise my hand in class when I know the answer. I will dance in public when I hear music. I will live as loudly and joyfully as I was meant to.

I am not shy. I am not an introvert. I am not the quiet girl. I am a girl filled with joy and life, and I will never dim my shine again.