My relationship is not my identity

I’ve always been the kind of person who feels everything deeply. So, when I fell in love at 16, it consumed me. He was all I could think about, all I could talk about. I had spent years watching romance movies, reading love stories, daydreaming about what it would feel like to experience something that beautiful; and then suddenly, it was my reality. I couldn’t believe it. I was in love and I wanted everyone to know.

When I started social media at 18, my goal was simple: to put myself out there as an artist, a creator, someone with something to share. I poured myself into growing my brand, showcasing my work, finding my voice. But while doing that, I also did something else, I made him a part of my journey.

It wasn’t intentional at all, it just felt natural. I was in love, and he was part of my life, so of course, he became part of my content. If someone complimented my sweater, I’d say, Oh, my boyfriend got it for me! If they asked where I bought my perfume from? I don’t even know, my boyfriend bought it. I didn’t see anything wrong with it. It wasn’t like I was forcing it, he was just always there, woven into everything I did.

But at some point, something shifted.

I stopped being me and I became his girlfriend. People didn’t ask about my art anymore, they asked about us. If I posted alone, they wanted to know where he was. If I didn’t mention him for a while, people assumed we had broken up. My identity, at least online, wasn’t my own anymore. It belonged to the relationship and that was scary.

When I think about it, it’s really not that bad. This could have been so much worse. I could have been that girl unknowingly posting a man who was cheating on her, lying to her, embarrassing her behind her back. Thank God that wasn’t my story. But even though I was lucky in who I chose, I wasn’t happy with what I had done. I had made myself small. I had let something as vast and complex as who I am be reduced to my role in someone else’s life.

And I know I’m not alone in this.

Women do this all the time, sometimes without even realizing it. We fall in love and make it our whole world because, for so long, we’ve been told that’s what love is supposed to feel like. We make men the center of our universe, and worse, we let the world see us that way. We become known for our relationships, not for ourselves. And if that relationship ever ends? It feels like we disappear.

But the truth is, I was never just a girlfriend. None of us are.

I’m an artist, a creator, a thinker. I have dreams, opinions, and experiences that exist entirely outside of my love life. And I want to be seen for that. For me.

So, I made a decision. My page, my art, my voice and everything I put out into the world needs to be mine. I have so much to offer, and none of it will revolve around a man.

So no, you won’t see me posting about him anymore. Not because I don’t love him, but because I love myself more.