Motherhood takes so much from a woman especially if she doesn't have a strong support system. The frustration that comes with lost hopes is the whole reason most women project their dreams onto their kids.
I share a lot of the same sentiments in this piece. I hope to become a mother one day but the kind of mother I want the be is one whose achievements are a source of inspiration for her children. My life will change once I have a child that much is sure, however just because I've changed doesn't mean I want who I was/am to be forgotten.
Motherhood is beautiful and would always remain beautiful, but it wasn't the major reason she couldn't advance in her career. The halt of her dreams is also based on the absence of a supportive companion. We are familiar with the cultural view of family and child upbringing in this country, and how everything has been completely left for mothers to handle. I believe if her husband cared for her desires and her career he would have lent her a heavy hand and made major attempts to support her so she can advance in her career. The baby wasn't the problem it was the lack of support.
But what do I know fr, I'm just a single young lady. I could be mistaken.
I don’t agree with you. Even with support, you can’t dedicate the same amount of time to your career. That’s why many celebrities waited until they were accomplished before they started having children e.g Rihanna
yeah that's valid, but support would go a really long way to help her. My mum had my siblings and I at the peak of her career and still thrived. And that's because she's an exceptionally strong woman but the lack of support at some point caused her to halt a desire she really wanted to achieve, not even motherhood. Support would help in achieving milestones you wouldn't have been able to reach single handedly.
One of the reasons I sterilised myself at 28 (thank you Europe!). My siblings who gave birth struggle so much with their lives. Yes, they love their kids, if they had to redo it, they probably wouldn't become mothers. They do not enjoy being a mom. And this is DESPITE having all the support and the village they need.
This is the reason I can't have a kid till I'm ready.
I want the jobs, the career, the success, all of it.
But if I have a kid, they'll come first. I know that now and I don't even have them yet lol.
So I'm not going to have a child till I'm reached that point in my career, or I've achieved enough that it won't feel like I'm betraying myself by having a child.
This is very scary, and I think subconsciously, I carry the burden of it. I tell friends I want to enjoy my life and accomplish so much before I get married and have kids and they go, "who says you still can't have that as a married woman?". Bruhhh, I've heard and seen real life instances and it's dreadful, so I'd rather not carry resentment
Thank you for this piece Oyin. I often think about motherhood and I keep on telling myself that it must go as I want it. This is such a reminder to myself.
Motherhood takes so much from a woman especially if she doesn't have a strong support system. The frustration that comes with lost hopes is the whole reason most women project their dreams onto their kids.
Yess!! This is exactly the reason. I don’t want to ever be my children’s burden. I need to be fulfilled before I bring them into this world
I share a lot of the same sentiments in this piece. I hope to become a mother one day but the kind of mother I want the be is one whose achievements are a source of inspiration for her children. My life will change once I have a child that much is sure, however just because I've changed doesn't mean I want who I was/am to be forgotten.
I agree 100%
Motherhood is beautiful and would always remain beautiful, but it wasn't the major reason she couldn't advance in her career. The halt of her dreams is also based on the absence of a supportive companion. We are familiar with the cultural view of family and child upbringing in this country, and how everything has been completely left for mothers to handle. I believe if her husband cared for her desires and her career he would have lent her a heavy hand and made major attempts to support her so she can advance in her career. The baby wasn't the problem it was the lack of support.
But what do I know fr, I'm just a single young lady. I could be mistaken.
I don’t agree with you. Even with support, you can’t dedicate the same amount of time to your career. That’s why many celebrities waited until they were accomplished before they started having children e.g Rihanna
yeah that's valid, but support would go a really long way to help her. My mum had my siblings and I at the peak of her career and still thrived. And that's because she's an exceptionally strong woman but the lack of support at some point caused her to halt a desire she really wanted to achieve, not even motherhood. Support would help in achieving milestones you wouldn't have been able to reach single handedly.
Omo, I want to be a mom asap. I have big dreams and that includes my little one too.
As soon as I am able to finance one, no second thoughts.
I love that this generation is standing up to choose their own path. Not following some standard.
I want to be there for my children and I want them to be there with me too.
One of the reasons I sterilised myself at 28 (thank you Europe!). My siblings who gave birth struggle so much with their lives. Yes, they love their kids, if they had to redo it, they probably wouldn't become mothers. They do not enjoy being a mom. And this is DESPITE having all the support and the village they need.
Most of the time, I feel like I robbed my mum of a lot of things, and it makes me feel so guilty.
Thank you for this wonderful piece ❤️
This is the reason I can't have a kid till I'm ready.
I want the jobs, the career, the success, all of it.
But if I have a kid, they'll come first. I know that now and I don't even have them yet lol.
So I'm not going to have a child till I'm reached that point in my career, or I've achieved enough that it won't feel like I'm betraying myself by having a child.
Oyin, I love your perspective. This is awesome and I wish every lady can have this perspective.
I am a strong advocate of if you haven't discovered your purpose yet, don't court, don't wed.
Know who you are, know what you're meant to do, and start working on your goals. A romantic relationship can come in later.
Your post is very well written... I love this ♡
This is very scary, and I think subconsciously, I carry the burden of it. I tell friends I want to enjoy my life and accomplish so much before I get married and have kids and they go, "who says you still can't have that as a married woman?". Bruhhh, I've heard and seen real life instances and it's dreadful, so I'd rather not carry resentment
How do I save this?
I enjoyed reading this, and it totally resonated with me!
I don't know.
Thank you for this piece Oyin. I often think about motherhood and I keep on telling myself that it must go as I want it. This is such a reminder to myself.